you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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