I wish I could teleport
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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