woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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