glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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