I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
