I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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