Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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