so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
