i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
