After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
