i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
