dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
