Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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