If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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