why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
