Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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