dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
