I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
