it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
