I will die if light touches me.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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