Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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