WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
