i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
