if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
