Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
