Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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