he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
