Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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