I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
