Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
