What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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