I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
that may or may not have been my penis.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
