Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
