Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
