We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
