David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Who wears a wallet chain?!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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