good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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