we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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