Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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