So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
