My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
