Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
