pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
