How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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