You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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