I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
