Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
