Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
