I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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