I'm laying in your front yard are you home
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
