Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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