After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
