I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
