mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
that's an acceptable place to lick
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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