So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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