I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
