then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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