I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
